I'm just missing you
by Iamawitch
Summary: Is it really that hard to keep a relationship at bay?


**A/N: **Hey there, folks! It's been a long time since my last update. Here's another SS/HG one-shot and hope you guys will enjoy it!

**Disclaimer:** All these characters belong to none other than Ms. J.K. Rowling.

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><p>I shouldn't have started it.<p>

It would have been better for me.

For us.

Both of us.

Severus Snape, now lying on the floor with a circle of masked figures, winced.

_Us._

For him to even consider them as a couple, for even having a future, that didn't become him at all. Severus Snape was a man of many things: secretive, powerful, intellectual, but certainly not a fool with fantasies. Way back when he got himself tangled right at the middle of this mess, he knew there's little possibility that he could get out alive.

And he seriously couldn't care less back then.

Not when he had just personally killed the only one that he had ever loved.

No one could hurt him, not when everyone he cared for was gone.

But when she came along, it seemed like she had opened up a window in this dungeon of his. For years, he had been living in this state of guilt and self loathing, feeding off from hatred, anger and fear.

When she came along, it had complicated things.

0 0 0

It always went down with the same procedure.

They lied in bed, hoping that they could find one night with nothing disturbing them, be it a Death Eater meeting or an urgent Order of the Phoenix rescue. Then when they finally started dozing off, she would hear that familiar hiss of his and felt him stir. She pretended to be still deep in her sleep, heard him quickly open the wardrobe to put on his Death eater gear, put a slight peck - perhaps a final peck on her forehead and silently slipped into darkness.

When he's finally gone, Hermione Granger would get up and prepare some tea. Knowing that it would be a long night, she was better off staying up and doing something.

_Anything._

Experience told her it would make her feel more at ease.

And before she knew it, he would be back.

He would sit by the fireplace, not allowing her to come near him. She would send a message to Dumbledore to notify their spy's return and Severus would be off meeting the Headmaster after he had mended some of his wounds.

Yes, it always went down with this same procedure, over and over again.

And all she could do was to hope.

To wait.

And wait.

And wait…

0 0 0

Yet another night of torturing and murdering, the Death Eater meetings weren't really as fun as others might think.

As one of the Dark Lord's most loyal pets, the dirty work wasn't really Snape's job. So he solemnly took his usual spot beside Lucius Malfoy and watched.

The muggle cringed and begged for mercy but was only rewarded by another flash of red light. The sight was unbearable, with blood oozing all over the body, screams that could pierce your ears. And those eyes, teary yet so sharp at the same time, it was as if they could see through your soul.

He couldn't remember whether they used to be brown, or blue, or hazel, nor could he remember the innocence or wisdom that went beyond. All he could see was that horrid green that reflected on their lenses.

It was always the eyes that he couldn't forget.

It was always the eyes that woke him at the dead of night.

0 0 0

This wasn't at all what she planned to sign up for, having a relationship with a spy.

Hermione Granger maybe a nerd, but she had had her girly dreams too: a fairytale with a cliché plot where boy met girl, it was love at first sight and they lived happily ever after. With the 'Boy who lived' being her friend, she didn't want any other distractions to 'spice up her life', as Harry would like to say. She had never wanted to get involved with the Aurors, that's why she dumped Ron when he's off to his Auror training camp.

Yes, a simple life was all she would ask for.

Only, life didn't always turn out the way she wanted it to be.

Fate had matched her up with the most brilliant yet most hated Potions Master in Hogwarts' history. In her case, her story was far more complicated: boy met girl during a war, boy reluctantly accepted the girl as his apprentice, boy wanted to bite the girl's head off and likewise but finally, they just couldn't help but fell for each other.

And as if fate had not had quite enough of fun, it spilled some alcohol into the fire, hoping to spice it up a notch.

It had been a long night.

And Severus Snape was still not back home.

0 0 0

"Crucio!"

Death Eaters were rather, animalistic. Snape sometimes wondered if they were even human.

He sometime wondered if _he_ was even human.

It was quite impossible to keep one's sanity intact after seeing all those horrifying scenes before your very eyes.

It's even harder when you had to experience what those victims had gone through after seeing them suffering.

Tonight had been one of those nights, those nights when the Dark Lord felt like doing something more beyond torturing people that defied him.

It's been a while since Severus Snape had served as the Dark Lord's entertainment.

As he lay on the ground, shivering, he thought of Hermione.

It was only until that moment did he finally understand why Dumbledore had always say love is the greatest magic of all.

He used to snort at the idea, but now, when he's trying to block out that pain, he felt so much easier for doing so than before.

Long time ago, when he's nothing but Voldemort's little heartless pawn, he could only hear those cold laughter echoing through the deserted area and felt those hundreds and thousands of needles piercing into his skin, cutting into his bone.

But now, now that he had Hermione, he could at least imagine hearing _her_ laughter, seeing those bouncy curls that he had always been so fond of and feeling that warmth going through his skin when he looked into her bright brown eyes.

When she came along, it had complicated things.

When she came along, it had made things so much more enduring.

0 0 0

Hermione heard the shriek from the door and that familiar sound of footsteps.

He's back.

She glanced at the clock, surprised at how many hours he had spent outside tonight.

She quickly walked to the living room, only to stop by the door frame, shocked at the sight of him.

He was all bloody, with his left eye swollen and a big gash at his lips. His robe was torn and when he noticed her staring at him, he hastily covered up his leg, which she suspected that a big chunk of it was missing.

Hermione quickly leviated a cloth, trying to help him clean off some of the blood.

Just like before, he brushed her off.

But with such a ghastly sight, she just had to insist.

When she tried to approach him again, he almost snapped. He gave her such an intense glare that made her wince.

So it was one of those nights.

One of those nights that he had been tortured and wanted no one near him.

One of those nights that he would later on pretend nothing had happened and went straight to bed without sparing her a single glance.

Hermione Granger had always put up to that.

Only tonight, she wouldn't let it go.

She knew it would turn into a huge fight and no one's going to walk away unscathed.

But no, she would not back down and let this happen again.

0 0 0

As he was robotically reporting his meeting back in the Headmaster's office, his mind was wondering elsewhere.

It was unbecoming of Snape to get so worked up after a Death Eater meeting.

After all, he always knew what he had gotten himself into and he would never complain about it.

But tonight, when he saw that concerned look of hers, when he saw her wincing as he was shunning her away, he couldn't help but wonder, for the umpteenth time, if she should really get stuck with him.

Merlin knew how many times he had asked himself that question.

She was still young, there was a whole wide world out there yet for her to explore.

She shouldn't get stuck in here, facing a future without any hope.

Or rather, _waiting_ for the end to come.

It was not his place to keep her here.

And Merlin knew, albeit how selfish it was, how he yearned for Hermione to tell him otherwise if this said question was ever raised.

0 0 0

It's like this bitterness was swallowing him up again, enclosing him in the dark.

Sometimes, she wondered if she had even made progress in breaking him out of that shell.

While she was still deep in her thought, she saw a flash of green fire at the corner of her eye.

There, standing in the mist of fire, was Severus Snape.

And he just stood there, staring at her.

She remained on her ground, waiting to prance on her prey and confront him.

This intense moment lasted for a while until, until she suddenly saw him walking straight towards her and pulled her into an embrace.

With eyes widened in shock, Hermione didn't know how to react for a while.

But when she had finally come back to her senses, she just smiled and hugged him back.

0 0 0

He didn't know what had prompted him into doing this.

But when he stood there by the fireplace, looking into her eyes, it reminded him of what came through his mind as he lay on the ground at the Dark Lord's mercy.

She was the reason why he could still go through all this.

He came back because of her.

He came back just for her.

It may not be his place to keep her here, but it's also not his place to send her away.

All this time, he was afraid that what just happened to him tonight might one day happen to Hermione.

He wouldn't be able to bare the idea that all he could do was just to stand in the circle and watch her suffer.

He had screwed up a romance many years ago.

He wouldn't let that happen again.

Life had offered him a second chance and he swore on his life that he wouldn't let history repeat itself.

For this time was different.

This time, his love was reciprocated.

And he would do absolutely anything – _anything _to protect it.

0 0 0

'I've missed you.'

For the second time tonight, Hermione was surprised.

She didn't know where this vulnerability of Severus came from.

She thought they would end up having a big fight tonight, and he would just sulk by the corner of the room for a couple of days until he felt like talking again.

But she was glad.

She was glad that for once, Snape finally opened up and let loose his 'I'm a jerk' façade.

She pulled him closer and murmured with a smile on her face, 'Well if you miss me that much, come back to me every time as soon as you can. You know I'll always be here waiting for you.'

'Yes, I know. Always.'

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><p><strong>AN:** I've actually started this a while back but didn't really have the time to finish it. So what do you guys think of the story? Do please leave a comment, I would really REALLY appreciate it. Thanks for supporting me as always! Enjoy your summer!


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